Understanding Benching: Why It's Common Today and Its Implications

In today’s digital age, dating has taken on an entirely new dimension. You can swipe right or left on your phone, match with someone online, and even go on a virtual date. But as our dating options have expanded, so have the ways in which we can be hurt. Enter the latest dating trend: benching.

What is benching?

Benching is when someone keeps you on the bench, implying that they are interested in you but not interested enough to actually commit. It’s like being a backup option, waiting in the wings for something better to come along. This can be incredibly frustrating for the person being benched, leaving them feeling undervalued, confused, and sometimes even strung along.

What are the factors?

The Role of Technology: With our smartphones practically glued to our hands and social media feeds constantly updating, it's no wonder that technology plays a big part in benching. Those little notifications and instant messages make it super easy to keep multiple romantic interests on the back burner while we scroll through our options. It's like having a whole menu of potential dates at our fingertips!
Emotional Avoidance: Sometimes, we all just want to avoid those awkward, vulnerable conversations about feelings, right? That's where benching comes in. It's like putting up a shield against emotional intimacy. Maybe we've been burned before, or maybe we're just not ready to take the plunge into serious commitment. Either way, benching lets us keep our emotional walls up while still enjoying some company on the sidelines.
The Illusion of Choice: Have you ever been faced with so many options that you end up feeling totally overwhelmed? Yeah, we've all been there. The paradox of choice theory says that too many options can actually make us less satisfied with our decisions. So, instead of diving headfirst into one relationship, some of us opt to keep our options open with benching. It's like sampling different flavors of ice cream before committing to a scoop.
Impact on Mental Health: It's no secret that uncertainty and ambiguity can mess with our heads. Constantly wondering where we stand in a relationship can really take a toll on our mental health. It's like having a nagging little voice in the back of our minds, always questioning our worth and our place in the other person's life. Talk about exhausting!
Gender Dynamics: While benching can happen to anyone, it's important to acknowledge that it often intersects with gender dynamics. Women, in particular, may feel the brunt of benching, thanks to societal expectations and gender norms. It's like being stuck in a double bind where you're expected to be caring and accommodating, but also assertive and empowered. Talk about a tightrope act!
The Need for Boundaries: Setting boundaries might not sound like the most fun thing in the world, but trust us, it's super important. Boundaries help us define what we're comfortable with and what we're not, so we can navigate benching situations with confidence. It's like drawing a line in the sand and saying, "This is where I stand." Plus, clear boundaries make for healthier, happier relationships in the long run.

Why is benching so common today?

Technology has undoubtedly made it easier to meet new people, but it has also made us more disposable in the dating world. With so many options available and the ability to connect with people at the click of a button, it can be tempting to keep your options open. Additionally, social media has made it easier for someone to keep tabs on a potential romantic interest without actually committing to anything.

How to identify if you're being benched:

If you’re not sure whether you’re being benched or not, there are some signs to look out for. For instance, if your dates are infrequent, and the other person often cancels plans at the last minute, it could be a sign that you’re not a priority. They may be responding to your messages but not making any real effort to see you. This could be a way of keeping you on the hook, while they continue to explore other options.

How to deal with benching:

If you suspect that you’re being benched, it’s important to communicate with the other person. Express how you feel and ask them directly what their intentions are. If they’re not interested in anything serious, it’s better to know sooner rather than later.

Remember, you deserve someone who values you and is willing to put in the effort to make a relationship work. Don’t settle for being someone’s backup option. If the other person is not interested in pursuing a relationship with you, move on and find someone who is.