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Extra-Marital Affairs in the Workplace: Why They Happen, Who's Doing It, and What You Should Know in 2026

Salil

July 8, 2026

Extra-Marital Affairs at Work: Causes, Psychology & What to Do

Extra-marital affairs have always existed at the fringes of marriage - whispered about but rarely examined honestly. But in 2026, we're finally talking about them openly. The data is staggering, the psychology is complex, and the workplace has quietly become the number one breeding ground for infidelity worldwide.

This article digs into the real reasons behind the rise of extra-marital affairs, why offices are particularly vulnerable environments, what research tells us about who cheats more, how people in affairs actually think and feel, the long-term damage to marriages and children, and what to realistically do if you find yourself caught in one.

Why Are Extra-Marital Affairs on the Rise? The Root Causes

The idea that people cheat simply because they're "bad people" has been thoroughly dismantled by modern research. The reality is far more layered.

Research published in Frontiers in Sociology (2025) confirmed that infidelity is simultaneously a cause and a consequence of relationship deterioration - not always a clear-cut moral failure. A 17-year longitudinal study covering 1,475 couples by Previti and Amato found that low marital satisfaction and infidelity feed into each other in a cycle that can take years to develop before it breaks.

Some of the biggest factors fueling the global rise in extra-marital affairs include:

The Digital Temptation Effect

Smartphones, dating apps, and social media have fundamentally changed how easy it is to find an emotional or physical connection outside of a marriage. What once required deliberate, risky, in-person pursuit now takes a few taps on a screen. Platforms originally built for networking and social connection have become pathways to infidelity. Research published in the Journal of Computer Human Behaviour (McDaniel et al., 2017) found a direct link between social media use, infidelity-related behaviors, and marital dissatisfaction.

Stress, Emotional Distance, and Dyadic Burnout

A 2024 study published in SAGE Journals on extramarital affairs during work-from-home periods found that stress in one partner significantly affects the other - a phenomenon researchers call "dyadic stress." This is closely associated with low sexual and marital satisfaction, which in turn creates vulnerability to seeking connection elsewhere. Modern life - longer commutes, financial pressure, parenting demands, career anxiety - is filling couples with dyadic stress like never before.

Changing Social Norms and Generational Attitudes

Younger generations are reshaping what intimacy and commitment mean. According to the Society for Human Resource Management (SHRM), 33% of adults aged 18–34 say they would be open to dating someone they work with - a figure that would have been far lower among previous generations. With greater sexual freedom, delayed marriage, and weakening social stigma around affairs in certain demographics, the psychological barriers to crossing that line have lowered considerably.

Low Empathy, High Testosterone, and Brain Biology

The neuroscience angle is one researchers increasingly focus on. A 2019 study found men with high testosterone levels were notably more likely to have extra-marital affairs. High testosterone is linked to a stronger sex drive and, importantly, to lower empathy - a combination that makes the mental calculus of cheating feel less weighted. Separately, a survey of 3,000 people with ADHD found that 39% of men and 40% of women with the condition had at least one physical affair - significantly higher than the general population. Low activity in the prefrontal cortex, which governs impulse control and long-term thinking, appears to be a genuine contributing factor in infidelity across the board.

The "Novelty-Seeking" Personality Factor

Research published in the Herald Open Access journal found that novelty-seeking, along with both functional and dysfunctional impulsivity, were among the most significant predictors of extra-marital affairs. In other words, some people are wired to crave new experiences - and within a long-term, predictable marriage, that craving can find its outlet in infidelity rather than, say, a new hobby.

Why Workplace Affairs Are So Common: The Office as Affair Incubator

If you've ever wondered why so many affairs begin at the office, the answer isn't moral bankruptcy - it's proximity, time, and shared purpose.

According to surveys compiled by research firm Innovative Human Capital in February 2026, nearly 1 in 10 U.S. professionals admitted to having a romantic or sexual relationship with a colleague while already committed to another relationship - within just the past 12 months alone.

Research consistently shows that roughly 60% of extra-marital affairs begin at work. That's not a coincidence. Here's why the workplace is uniquely dangerous:

The Proximity Principle

You spend more waking hours with your colleagues than with your spouse. Eight to ten hours a day, five days a week, in close collaboration, under shared pressure, and often in environments that strip away the domestic roles (parent, provider, housekeeper) that can dull attraction at home. At work, you're often just "you" - competent, social, professionally valued. That version of yourself is attractive to people around you.

Emotional Intimacy Builds Before Physical Intimacy

A relationship therapist cited in a 2025 study noted that approximately 60% of emotional affairs begin with coworkers. Emotional affairs are the silent precursors to physical ones. They begin as legitimate friendships - helping each other with projects, venting about a difficult boss, celebrating promotions together. The person caught in an emotional affair often genuinely believes they're "not doing anything wrong" because no physical line has been crossed yet. By the time a physical boundary is crossed, the emotional foundation is already deep.

According to lie detector research published in April 2026, when emotional affairs are factored in alongside physical ones, roughly 45% of men and 35% of women have engaged in some form of infidelity during their marriage - a figure that makes the widespread nature of workplace emotional affairs more understandable.

The Power Dynamic and Validation Loop

A 2024 SHRM survey found that 33% of American workers had been involved in a workplace romance - up from 27% before the pandemic. Three main drivers emerged: comfort, familiarity, and shared experience. But beneath that sits something more primal: the need to feel seen and valued. For someone whose marriage has gone cold, a colleague who actively listens, compliments their work, and seems genuinely interested can trigger feelings that feel indistinguishable from romantic attraction. This is the validation loop, and the workplace provides it in abundance.

Corporate Events and Alcohol

It's not just about the daily routine. Office parties, conferences, team dinners, and work travel create a social permission structure where normal boundaries soften. A CareerBuilder survey found that intra-office relationships frequently start during corporate parties or after-work social events. Add alcohol, remove the domestic context, and you have the conditions where many affairs take root - often unintentionally.

The Post-Pandemic Workplace Shift

The return to office after widespread remote work created an unexpected surge in workplace connection. People who had spent years on video calls suddenly found themselves physically back together, often with a renewed appreciation for in-person connection. Research from DoULike (2026) notes that 2025 saw a significant surge in office romances, driven partly by this renewed proximity effect. Interestingly, 64% of employees surveyed said they would have an affair with a coworker if they knew they wouldn't get caught - a figure that should put any assumption of office safety to rest.

Who Is Cheating More - Men or Women?

This question has a more complex answer in 2026 than it did even a decade ago.

The General Social Survey, one of the most comprehensive long-running sociological studies in the United States, found that approximately 20% of married men and 13% of married women report having had sex with someone other than their spouse during marriage. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) puts the figures at 25% of men and 15% of women when broader definitions are used.

So yes - men still cheat more, overall. But the gap is narrowing faster than most people realize.

The Gender Gap Is Shrinking

Among millennials, the infidelity gender gap has reduced to just a few percentage points - 15.9% of men versus 13% of women. The increase in women's cheating has jumped approximately 40% over the past three decades, driven by greater financial independence, evolving social norms, and increased professional mobility that puts women in the same proximity-and-opportunity environments that men have historically occupied.

One particularly striking data point: among ever-married adults aged 18–29, young women actually report higher infidelity rates than men of the same age group, according to General Social Survey data. So while the lifetime headline figure still shows men leading, the trend line is moving firmly toward parity among younger generations.

Why Men Cheat: The Primary Drivers

Research consistently shows that for men, sexual dissatisfaction and sexual personality characteristics dominate as predictors of infidelity. A peer-reviewed 2011 study in Archives of Sexual Behavior (Mark, Janssen & Milhausen, n=918) found that for men, sexual motivations were so dominant they "bounced" relational factors as predictors of cheating. Men are also more likely to engage in physical-only affairs - representing 75% of sex-only affair participants, according to the IFS 2020 iFidelity Survey.

At the workplace specifically, data published by Innovative Human Capital in February 2026 revealed that men are more than five times more likely than women to report a recent workplace affair - with 10.63% of men admitting to one in the past year compared to just 2.38% of women.

Why Women Cheat: The Emotional Deficit

Women's motivations are starkly different. Research shows that women are far more likely to have extra-marital affairs when they feel emotionally unsatisfied - when they feel unseen, unappreciated, or emotionally neglected within their marriage. Women represent 56% of emotional-only affair participants, compared to men's 75% in physical-only affairs.

Research also found that 91.6% of women and 78.6% of men admit to having had an emotional affair at some point - suggesting that emotional infidelity, though less discussed, is actually more common than physical infidelity for both genders.

The Focus on the Family research framed it neatly: men turn to affairs to build up their self-image or sexual self-esteem. Women turn to affairs to satisfy a longing for love, appreciation, and tenderness. Same outcome, very different emotional engine.

Inside the Mind of Someone Having an Extra-Marital Affair

What does it actually feel like to be in one? What are people thinking? Do they feel guilty?

The answers might surprise you.

The Surprising Absence of Regret

A landmark study by researchers at Johns Hopkins University, published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior, surveyed nearly 2,000 active users of Ashley Madison - a platform specifically designed for extra-marital affairs - before and after their affairs. The findings were deeply counterintuitive: ratings for both sexual satisfaction and emotional satisfaction from affairs were high, and feelings of regret were low.

"In popular media, people who have affairs have intense moral guilt - we don't see that in this sample," said lead researcher Dylan Selterman, an associate teaching professor in psychological and brain sciences at Johns Hopkins. "These findings paint a more complicated picture of infidelity compared to what we thought we knew."

Respondents were generally middle-aged men who reported high levels of love for their partners - yet low levels of sexual satisfaction. They weren't running away from their marriages as much as filling a specific void.

The Compartmentalization Mechanism

People in extra-marital affairs develop a remarkable ability to mentally separate their "affair life" from their "home life." Psychologists refer to this as compartmentalization - a cognitive defense mechanism where different parts of life are kept in separate mental boxes, preventing the guilt from one area from contaminating the positive feelings of another.

This explains how someone can be a devoted, loving parent in the morning, an attentive spouse in the evening, and a committed affair partner in between - without experiencing constant, paralyzing guilt. It doesn't make the behavior acceptable, but it does explain why so many people in affairs appear to function normally.

The "Fog" Phenomenon

Many people who have had and later ended affairs describe what therapists call "the fog" - a state where the affair partner seems uniquely understanding, exciting, and profound in ways that their spouse doesn't. Research analysis of real case studies found that men in affairs frequently idealize their affair partner, attributing qualities to them that are more about novelty and projection than reality. When the affair transitions from occasional secrecy to daily contact, the idealization tends to collapse - revealing an ordinary person with ordinary flaws.

Motivation Typology: It's Not One-Size-Fits-All

Research by Selterman et al. identified that people in affairs have meaningfully different underlying motivations - which also predict different behavioral outcomes. People who cheated because of anger, revenge, or a desire for variety tended to have longer affairs. Those who fell into infidelity due to situational factors - being drunk, overwhelmed, or in a moment of emotional vulnerability - tended to end the affair sooner.

Thompson's deficit model of infidelity suggests that relationships characterized by low satisfaction, high conflict, and poor communication are the root context - meaning the affair is often a symptom, not the disease.

The Role of Impulsivity

Studies published in the Herald Open Access journal found that impulsivity - both functional and dysfunctional - is a significant predictor of extra-marital affairs. Novelty-seekers and risk-takers are statistically more likely to cheat. This isn't a moral judgment; it's a personality finding. But it does help explain why certain people cycle through infidelity repeatedly. Research shows that a person who has cheated before is three times more likely to cheat again.

How Extra-Marital Affairs Are Destroying Marriages, Families, and Society

The personal drama of an affair rarely stays contained to the two people involved. The fallout spreads wide - and the data on long-term damage is unambiguous.

The Effect on Marriages

Infidelity is one of the most commonly cited reasons for divorce worldwide. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), infidelity accounts for 20–40% of divorces in the United States. Among ever-married adults who have cheated, 40% are currently divorced or separated - compared to only 17% of faithful adults who are no longer married.

The damage to trust is the most corrosive element. A study of 52 divorced persons (Scott et al., 2013) found that while lack of commitment was the single most-cited reason for divorce, infidelity was the second - and it's one that dramatically accelerates the journey to divorce court.

Research does show that survival is possible: 60–75% of marriages can survive infidelity with proper couples therapy. Without professional support, only about 15.6% of relationships survive after an affair is discovered. The path through is narrow and requires complete accountability, willingness to rebuild from the ground up, and typically professional guidance.

The Effect on Children

This is where the cost becomes hardest to look at. Children absorb the fallout of parental infidelity and subsequent divorce in ways that shape their development for decades.

Research published in a 2025 U.S. Census Bureau working paper found that divorce negatively affects children's test scores both immediately and in the long term, reduces secondary school enrollment and completion, and has measurable negative effects on mental health. Research by Frimmel et al. (2024) found that divorces induced by parental relationship breakdown - including infidelity-triggered separations - directly reduce children's educational and labor market success in adulthood.

Children raised in homes where infidelity and conflict coexist are exposed to elevated emotional volatility, reduced parental availability, and often financial instability - all of which are independently linked to worse outcomes across emotional, academic, and behavioral dimensions.

Intergenerational patterns also matter: children of parents who cheated are statistically more likely to view infidelity as normalized behavior, subtly raising their own risk of replicating it in adult relationships.

The Effect on Society and the Institution of Marriage

Beyond individual families, widespread infidelity is subtly eroding the institution of marriage itself. When infidelity becomes normalized - or when its consequences are seen as manageable and temporary - the social contract that marriage represents becomes harder to sustain.

We're already seeing the shift. Marriage rates are declining across developed nations. According to OECD's Society at a Glance (2024), marriage rates have fallen across virtually all member countries over the past two decades, while more people opt for cohabitation without formal commitment. While this isn't entirely attributable to infidelity, the cultural attitude that monogamy is unrealistic - partly fed by the visible prevalence of affairs - contributes to the declining confidence in marriage as an institution.

There are also significant public health implications. Research involving married populations in various regions found that extra-marital affairs are a significant vector for STI transmission, particularly in cases where neither partner knows an outside relationship exists.

If You're Currently in an Extra-Marital Affair: What Should You Do?

This section is for you if you're reading this not as a curious observer, but as someone who is in it right now - whether you're the one who strayed, or the one who has found out.

If You Are the One Having the Affair

First, stop pretending it's uncomplicated. The research on compartmentalization exists precisely because the mind creates elaborate rationalizations for behavior it knows on some level is harmful. So the first honest step is this: acknowledge what is actually happening and what it actually costs.

Psychology Today's expert guidance on exiting extra-marital affairs outlines a clear framework. Weigh the real consequences - not the ones your affair-brain minimizes, but the actual ones: your marriage potentially ending, your children's home becoming fractured, your own sense of integrity. If those consequences feel too steep, the time to act is now, not when the affair is discovered.

Ask yourself clearly: do you want to save your marriage? If the answer is yes, you need to end the affair completely and immediately - not taper it, not take a break from it. The Mayo Clinic's guidance on recovering from infidelity is direct: end the affair, stop all contact with the affair partner, and if it involves a coworker, limit all interaction to the strictly professional minimum.

Do not ghost your affair partner. End it honestly, take responsibility for your part in the relationship's development, and then commit fully to the work of rebuilding your marriage.

If you're genuinely uncertain whether your marriage is worth saving, that uncertainty is a reason to seek professional help - not a reason to continue the affair while you figure it out. As Psychology Today notes, staying in limbo solves nothing.

The Uncomfortable Truth About Affairs "Going the Distance"

If you're hoping the affair will become your forever relationship, the statistics are sobering. Research by marriage counselor Dr. Frank Pittman found that only 3–5% of affairs result in the affair partners marrying each other. Of those who do marry their affair partner, the divorce rate runs as high as 75% - nearly double the rate of first marriages. Dr. Pittman's research, along with findings from the Zur Institute, suggests that most affairs don't survive the transition from secret excitement to ordinary daylight life. The secrecy, intensity, and "us against the world" energy that fuels affairs evaporates the moment they become the normal relationship.

If Your Spouse Is Having an Affair

You don't have to make the biggest decision of your life right now. The Mayo Clinic's guidance here is important: don't make rash decisions in the immediate aftermath of discovery. The emotional shock of betrayal is genuinely similar to trauma - it clouds judgment and can push people toward decisions they later regret in either direction.

Give yourself space to process. Seek professional support - not from mutual friends or relatives, but from a qualified marriage counselor or therapist who has no stake in the outcome. Then, from a clearer place, decide what you actually want and what you can genuinely rebuild.

Both paths - staying and rebuilding, or leaving - are valid. As Dr. Barbara Winter writes in her expert guidance for betrayed partners: leaving after betrayal is not failure, and it is not proof the marriage was meaningless. But staying also doesn't mean you were weak. What matters is that the choice is made from a place of honesty and self-respect, not fear or inertia.

Practical Steps Regardless of Your Role

Seek professional counseling - this is not optional if you want a real chance at resolution, in either direction. A 2012 AAMFT study found that marriages that survive infidelity and go through proper couples therapy report 60–75% recovery rates, with many couples reporting deeper intimacy afterward than before the affair. Without professional guidance, those odds drop significantly.

Rebuild communication from the ground up. Wake Counseling's clinical guidance emphasizes that most extra-marital affairs emerge from communication breakdowns and unmet emotional needs - meaning the actual work of prevention or recovery is the same: learning to express needs, listen without defensiveness, and prioritize the relationship's emotional health consistently.

Set clear boundaries and be willing to be transparent, especially if the affair involved a coworker. This means access to devices if your partner needs it, honest accounting of your time, and the willingness to be uncomfortable for as long as it takes to rebuild trust.

Final Thoughts: Affairs as a Mirror, Not Just a Mistake

Extra-marital affairs are one of the most painful human experiences - for everyone they touch. But they are also, if we're willing to look honestly, a mirror held up to the parts of marriages and relationships that quietly go unattended for years.

The research is consistent: most affairs don't begin because someone is simply a bad person. They begin when needs go unmet long enough, when emotional distance becomes the daily default, when the validation someone craves is found more easily at the office than at home. None of that justifies the choice to cross the line. But understanding it is the only way to actually prevent it - or heal from it.

Whether you're reading this out of curiosity, suspicion, guilt, or heartbreak - the honest conversation about extra-marital affairs is the one that needs to happen more, not less.

References

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Innovative Human Capital (2026). Nearly 1 in 10 U.S. Workers Admit to a Workplace Affair in the Past Year. https://www.innovativehumancapital.com/article/nearly-1-in-10-u-s-workers-admit-to-a-workplace-affair-in-the-past-year-new-data-reveals
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Frequently Asked Questions

What is an extra-marital affair and how is it different from an emotional affair?

An extra-marital affair refers to a romantic or sexual relationship that a married person pursues outside their marriage without their spouse's knowledge or consent. An emotional affair, by contrast, involves deep emotional intimacy, attachment, and exclusivity with someone outside the marriage - without any physical involvement. The distinction matters because emotional affairs are often harder to detect, easier to rationalize (we're just friends), and research shows they are actually more common than physical ones. Many physical affairs begin as emotional ones, particularly in workplace settings where daily proximity creates the conditions for emotional bonds to form gradually.

Why do extra-marital affairs happen in marriage?

Affairs in marriage rarely happen for a single reason. Research consistently points to a combination of emotional neglect, sexual dissatisfaction, low communication, and opportunity. When one or both partners feel unseen, unappreciated, or emotionally disconnected for a sustained period, they become vulnerable to finding that connection elsewhere - especially if an opportunity presents itself through work, social circles, or online interaction. Other contributing factors include impulsivity, novelty-seeking personality traits, high testosterone levels (linked to lower empathy), and the normalization of infidelity in certain social environments. Importantly, a 2023 study published in PMC found that infidelity and marital dissatisfaction feed into each other in a cycle - meaning the affair is often a symptom of a deteriorating relationship, not always its sole cause.

How common are extra-marital affairs in the workplace?

Workplace affairs are far more common than most people assume. Research consistently shows that approximately 60% of extra-marital affairs begin at work. A February 2026 survey by Innovative Human Capital found that nearly 1 in 10 U.S. professionals admitted to having a romantic or sexual relationship with a colleague while already committed to another partner - within just the past 12 months. The combination of daily proximity, shared goals, professional validation, and time spent together makes the workplace uniquely fertile ground for emotional and physical infidelity to develop.

Who cheats more in a marriage — men or women?

Historically, men have reported higher rates of infidelity than women. The General Social Survey found that roughly 20% of married men and 13% of married women have had sex with someone outside their marriage. However, the gender gap is narrowing considerably. Among millennials, the difference has shrunk to just a few percentage points. Among ever-married adults aged 18-29, young women actually report higher infidelity rates than men of the same age group - a trend driven by greater financial independence, career mobility, and shifting social attitudes. The motivations also differ significantly: men are more likely to pursue physical affairs driven by sexual dissatisfaction, while women are more likely to engage in emotional affairs driven by feelings of being unappreciated or emotionally neglected.

What are the psychological effects of an extra-marital affair on the person cheating?

The psychology of someone having an affair is more complicated than popular culture suggests. A landmark Johns Hopkins University study found that people actively engaged in affairs reported high levels of satisfaction - both emotional and sexual - and surprisingly low levels of regret. Psychologists explain this through a cognitive process called compartmentalization, where a person mentally separates their affair life from their home life to avoid sustained guilt. Over time, however, the psychological cost accumulates: anxiety from maintaining secrecy, identity conflict between self-perception and behavior, and - once the affair ends or is discovered - significant shame, grief, and in many cases depression. Research also shows that people who have cheated once are three times more likely to cheat again, suggesting that unresolved underlying issues rarely resolve on their own.

How do extra-marital affairs affect children?

The impact on children is one of the most significant and lasting consequences of infidelity. When an affair leads to divorce or prolonged household conflict, children absorb the emotional and practical fallout in ways that can shape their development for years. A 2025 U.S. Census Bureau working paper found that parental separation negatively affects children's test scores both immediately and over the long term, reduces secondary school enrollment and completion rates, and has measurable negative effects on mental health. Children raised in high-conflict post-affair environments are also more likely to normalize infidelity as adults, subtly raising their own statistical risk of replicating the same patterns in their future relationships.

Can a marriage survive an extra-marital affair?

Yes - but survival requires significant effort from both partners, and professional support makes a substantial difference. Research from the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) indicates that 60-75% of marriages that go through proper couples therapy after an affair can recover, with many couples reporting deeper intimacy afterward than before the affair. Without professional guidance, the odds drop sharply - only around 15-16% of marriages survive discovery of an affair without structured support. Survival depends on the cheating partner taking complete accountability, ending all contact with the affair partner, being fully transparent, and both individuals committing to rebuilding communication and trust over what is typically a multi-year process.

What should you do if you discover your spouse is having an affair?

The first and most important thing is to avoid making major life decisions in the immediate aftermath of discovery. The emotional shock of betrayal is genuinely similar to trauma - it impairs judgment and can push people toward decisions they later regret. Give yourself space to process before acting. Seek support from a qualified marriage counselor or therapist rather than mutual friends or family who have a stake in the outcome. From a steadier emotional place, you can then decide what you genuinely want - whether that is to attempt to rebuild the marriage or to separate - and pursue that path with clarity. Both decisions are valid. What matters most is that the choice comes from honesty and self-respect rather than fear, guilt, or social pressure.

How do you end an extra-marital affair and save your marriage?

Ending an affair requires a clear and complete break - not a gradual tapering, not a "cooling off period," and not maintaining contact under the guise of professional necessity. Clinical guidance from Psychology Today and the Mayo Clinic is consistent on this point: end the affair decisively, stop all contact with the affair partner, and if the relationship involved a coworker, limit all future interaction to the strictly professional minimum. After ending the affair, the harder work begins - full disclosure (the degree of which should ideally be guided by a therapist), genuine accountability, and a long-term commitment to rebuilding emotional safety within the marriage. Couples who undertake this process with professional support have significantly better outcomes than those who try to resolve it privately.

Do extra-marital affairs ever lead to lasting relationships?

Rarely. Research by marriage counselor Dr. Frank Pittman found that only 3-5% of affairs result in the two people involved eventually marrying each other. Of those who do marry their affair partner, the divorce rate runs as high as 75% - nearly double the rate of first marriages. The reason most affair relationships fail to survive the transition to a real, open relationship is rooted in what psychologists call the "fog" effect - the heightened intensity, secrecy, and emotional charge that makes the affair partner seem uniquely special is a product of the hidden context, not the actual relationship. When that secrecy disappears and the relationship becomes ordinary daily life, the idealization collapses and the ordinary dynamics of any relationship - including conflict, compromise, and routine - take over.